Nivedita Das Narayan

Feel at peace Didn't know I wasn't till I arrived at it; Strange are the ways of the mind and the heart and all that talk of darkness not known without knowledge of light!! I guess, harmony is what brings total contentment to me Harmony, forthrightness, rationalisation of the what's and why's It does take time and once rationalised, I seem to have no qualms about taking many steps, till someone takes their first tentative one and progresses. I guess, I'm not so egoistically obtuse - after all!! Let that be today's recognition, Let that be one more part of the 'self awareness' puzzle that's threatening to take life-long to become a ' WHOLE '; I'm not complaining, very truly the journey being far more satisfying than the destination!! Quest-ing, patient, self-analysing - I continue to BE!!

Life… catches us by surprise, too often for comfort! June 13: N messaged me from Bangalore that he’s raising a toast to Manu… and praying for his soul to rest in peace. I messaged ‘Amen’. Manu passed away peacefully, on June 8. Shock to many, grief to many more, yet perhaps nothing more irreconcilable for his wife. N got to know on June 9, practically woken up by the news, crying inconsolably, miserable, (silently) shocked. Manu is N’s friend, one amongst the delicately few you make during your work years, and stay so, even after jumping several jobs, exchanging cities, getting married and living years not seeing each other. I know N for almost 4 years now, and I’m trying to remember my touch-points with Manu through the years… Like my first invitation to visit Manish Sea Croft to watch a DVD together and my encounter with the incorrigible ‘Peecha Karo’, that apparently was Manu’s heirloom left behind for N. {N, let me tell you it was a precarious choice of a movie on a 3rd or a 4th Da...

I wrote this on the 5th of June, just didn’t manage to give it much shape… still half baked but what the hell… Why give it a name… it’s life It’s been a day full of nuances; germinated somewhere in the chats I’ve had since last evening and this morning. Somehow HAD to source out the two-pin to plug in the Bose and blast the Metro soundtrack. Several thoughts running criss-cross, parallel, contradicting, confirming, affirming; all at the same time. Life, all of a sudden, has offered a unique scale to grade whether I’ve lived a life; fully yet; with its doses of purity, love, hope, hopelessness, despair, optimism, hypocrisy, forgiveness, anger & Déjà vu’s and I’m raring to see how I’ve fared across life’s parameters…Momentary lapses that most of us will find traces of ‘been there’, ‘felt that way’, ‘ah, that feeling’ and resonance The sequence of the ‘lapses’ follows the sequence of the tracks in the album and not necessarily that of life… In dino dil mera, Mujhse hai keh raha Tu khw...

This Saturday’s visit to Tea Centre in town was a celebration. A snacky celebration of memories, in culmination. I’ve visited this place before but this visit with N threw up a special Delhi – nostalgia. Ushered in by liveried waiters, interiors resplendent in Green and its various shades, water color portraits hung on walls - to be sold, almost every seat taken up - by a curious mix of 20 somethings and all ages. Curious because we did not expect the 20’s generation to be enjoying tea when the Café Coffe Days & Coffee Worlds are winning the opinion polls by huge margins. We’re victims of cliche may be! The order was placed. Mind you, the only way to be waited upon was to summon attention by ringing the bell at our table. An unexpected craving for something old and familiar tugged at my palette and I made the suggestion to N. Pakoras . We wholeheartedly succumbed and so placed the order for a plateful of Pakoras. They came. With Daintily flavored Assam tea in a Carafe (they’ve done...

Have been rather busy... with what you'd ask! - cannot translate coherently into anything that makes sense. A jamboree really : N finally met up with his cousin, he viisted The Nest for dinner. The food (that I served! ) was not much to my liking, am not sure hence if the guest went back much sated!! Was good to listen to some anecdotal teasings & nostalgia between the cousins. And some dark family secrets (as they termed it). Net net - it's proven: it's always fun catching up with cousins, despite lengthy periods of no 'connect' over the width of seas, STD/ ISD lines, hundreds of kms, family functions, family group Ids, birthday wishes and the rest. The surprise on my Birthday saved more than a few bad hours (N?)... what with Chaya and gang conspiring with my husband to gift me a surprise-gatecrash with cake, love, hugs, et all. Some photo moments will be posted soon. Secret well kept N! and a great one at the dusk of a day when i'd silently wondered '...

Seductive Simplicities Britania Co. Ltd., located at Ballard Estate, Mumbai will ring a ‘nostalgic’ bell for many a Mumbaikar, but for yours truly – still not fully initiated into Mumbai’s very best & very basic – it was the very first encounter. I’d not heard of its existence till this day (April 6) Clearly a day which was more meticulously planned out than many others, we managed to pack in quite a bit, actually a lot – slept in, aggressive cardio at the gym, light breakfast to be compensated later at lunch and departure by the stipulated time. South Mumbai on holidays continues to be a breeze, though on this ‘Good Friday’ we had to navigate through a bit of traffic en route. Britania is nestled in the heart of the statuesque Ballard Estate, still one of the most influential business districts in the country’s commercial capital. The buildings, said to be designed by George Wittet - the architect for Gateway and the Museum- bear the familiar similarity of high ceilings and big wi...

Now they say that about wordsmith(ing), weaving magic with words, or however else one expresses this ‘thrill’ that you feel chancing upon some deft, audacious threading of two words or an expression that shouldn’t have been there (or joined) in the first place. The thrill down the spine is not so much respect for the ‘puritan’ language but for the sheer devilry of the person who maneuvers the language, but does not mutilate it… Also there’s something magical that is exchanged in that moment between the ‘author of the maneuver’ to the (one-out-of-ten) listener, who understands, smiles & revels in the magic of it. Honestly, this is the thrill that keeps my reading alive, in figuring out the numerous impudent ways of expressing a single idea, or thought. Just like the Compulsive Confessor’s http://www.thecompulsiveconfessor.blogspot.com/ manic reaction to a friend’s matter-of-factness, I quote from the blog: Like, recently? We were chatting about men, more specifically the men in my ...

I visited the RTO yesterday for the momentous ‘cancellation of hypothecation’ of my car … In English, my car’s EMI cycle is complete and the bank has expressed its no objection for the car to become completely mine… blah blah!!. So I set off, pretty clearly with a bit of trepidation, just like all us private sector types when we are about to visit a Govt. run department that has the power to allow or disallow your candidacy for citizenship or some such critical ‘proof of existence’. A smattering of rows of buildings, mostly dilapidated, sprawling & unkempt vacant spaces being used for parking vehicles of all sizes. As usual Govt. owned premises being the most privileged and inundated with length(s) of acres. I was hit by the teeming nos., and immediately a wave of helplessness. First, the sea of men - I was the only woman in the visible vicinity (and perhaps the only human with a trace of a deodorant on me!!), amidst the sea of Agents teeming around to push papers for various ‘vehi...

Read it...You'll know why it did not get selected amongst the best entries on Feb 14th and only got a box space- highly abridged, mostly sabotaged in essence, and reading ordinary:) Why I love Mumbai!! A Delhi-ite originally and I live in Mumbai for more than five years now. The 5+ yrs had commenced with an acute awareness (& arrogance) of the classic Delhi - Mumbai paradox – power v/s money, neta-land v/s bollywood, intellect v/s glitter, butter chicken v/s crabs ‘n shrimps. Inevitably, the transformation crept in, getting comfortable & yes, growing in love with a city where I’d chosen to live and work. A Mumbai that allowed one anonymity despite living in the busiest co-operative housing societies, the security of stepping out and hailing a cab after midnight without evoking raised eyebrows and attention of neighborhood goons, the pleasure of the alternative train ride if you were running late for a meeting, the inimitable Mumbaikar’s attention & affection for anythin...

We all love him, Gautam. And a lot of us say Gautam is a great guy, happy, maybe not too matured, not too organized. All of it is true, especially his un-preparedness till only 3 days before his marriage day but for the intervention of my dear Jiju & hubby. I thank you all for standing by him in his ‘event’ in life – marriage. Mind you, he is thankful too (almost grateful) and has gone away on his honeymoon thinking ‘yeh sab nahin hotey to kuch nahin hota … I am lucky to have such a family of cousins, jijus, sisters & friends, etc’. You bet he’s lucky. Having spent such a variety of emotions towards my brother, I thought I’ll spend a few moments thanking and feeling lucky too. Ø Thank you, Gautam Ø Thank you, for the selfless times, almost obsessively,(‘quality time’) that you spent through the week(s), every weekend with Ria & Kris being their doting, loving Mama. Ø Thank you for finding time to remember that our childhood winter holidays were incomplete without picnics an...

Am guilty of absenteism on this blog, and will return soon as this ill-health routine in Jan 2007 fades out. While i was away celebrating Gautam's wedding, a few others have been chugging on in this journey of life, exploring, finding others and maybe be themselves... hence substituting my laziness with a posting i received from Steshia... In her words: "The experience of my visit to Melghat has left me with awareness to a reality of a forgotten world that has existed and survived besides the only one I have known and taken for granted. When I was told that I could go for a project visit to a village called Chikaldhara, my reaction was Chikal…..what? We reached Bandhera station in the early hours of Tuesday morning. My colleague Madhu Neb and I were greeted by two young chirpy ladies in a TATA Sumo. They introduced themselves as Manisha, Community Development Coordinator and Margaret Daniels from PREM (People’s Rural Education Development.) PREM is one of the institutions that...

Raju returned to work today. My interaction with him today would easily be the most real conversation that this Man Friday has managed to have with me in the last 2 yrs. A short retrospect – As N says, a proud Marathi Manoos this Raju, in his attitude, his way of life, his demeanor, his Marathi pride that is almost transparent in his responses, in the way he grooms himself, and safe to assume, in his personal life. And this Man lost his (only) 3-year old son less than 15 days back. Tragic would be only an understatement. Expectedly, (we) I was shaken to hear the news – sad for the man, anger at carelessness for having things (poison) lying around that was easily accessed by his son, disbelief and a nagging, wishful thought maybe this news is not true. But his confirmatory call twelve days later saying he wishes to join back, washed away all tentative possibilities. Can’t describe the feeling – but something akin to ‘how am I going to face him’, ‘what would I say to this man whose trage...

So I thought I’ll walk back from the gym today… and I am real glad that my momentary laziness did not overcome the instinct this morning. Before I tell you why… allow me to tell you about Mumbai this Jan (so far) – the coolest I’ve ever felt in the last 5 years, balmy, nice & crisp sun, the festive month having left behind some tantalizing hues & fragrances – colors & lights on the buildings and fences; busy bakeries; brisk business at the local shops, mobile nurseries on the ‘thelas’ – a veritable havoc of colors in winter chrysanthemums and daisies; roads that never cease being bulldozed through & reconstructed. May be it’s always been like this, may be it’s Bandra that manages to manifest all this far more visibly… or is it just Me caring to stop by, far more patiently, paying my surroundings their due attention, re-learning wonderment and thankfulness for little things, registering that the old system still lives on in parallel and if at all, far more connectedly. D...

The 2nd day in the year passed away rather unpleasantly (stomach infection taking center-stage) and I am back again on my feet. The one reason that drove me to blogging today is to put to paper the ‘true test’ and I am going to put myself to in the next 362 days in 2007. The test will be of my ‘character’- emotions or rather my capability to balance the lack of a professional status, the corresponding monetary independence, and all the trappings that came with it, with ‘the person’ that I am. Don’t misunderstand me as I am clearly looking forward to it. This is self- inflicted and as I said to my kids (quoting myself) ‘ … come Jan 1st, I am not taking anything for granted…’ and in my mind today, that says it all. I need to presume nothing and will need to tutor myself fast in that direction. It’s a reality that expressions & emotions will now tend to be measured far more critically and subjectively than before – whether by me or by others. And here’s where the sweet challenge of ‘o...

Phew!! It felt like the end of an era really just now!! No old identities will work anymore - my old salary account, ol' 2020 id, ol' visiting cards, even my old blogspot identity didn't work (couldn't be found) on this 1st day in 2007- pretty symbolic but now the sequel is inevitable!! So here 'meamateur2' is my new identity for my introspections & circumspections, mostly for sating my own hunger for expression and for those who're interested enough to know and read the tidings of this 'idle' mind in this un-pre empted year in my life ... I am embracing it! So till I deliver on my committment to this journey of sharing & expressing more often and audibly... here's to ME for the courageous, non-inebriated (actually alchohol-free) and most beautiful 'bringing in' of this year (the past three days in Khandala were just divine- Thank you N). till the next logging in ..