A gentle share with you my friends, some of you who have been fairly impression-ed by Ms. Nooyi's now hugely debated, shared and tweeted interview.
I wrote this more than ten days back (covered in the thick of Parisian indulgences) and delayed posting it lest it be deemed expressed under heavy influences, not to forget the reactionary expression-urge felt almost immediately after reading the interview and (soon after) this blogpost (http://yummyami.blogspot.sg/2014/07/this-isnt-usual-post.html) that inspired me to agree and shake me out of my laziness.
Since then many more discordant voices have appeared that tend to question, even de-pedestalise Ms. Nooyi's self indulgent version of the 'can't have it all' syndrome.
And today when I post this, this perspective is perhaps the only one that takes into account the 'Man's' position (if he had any) in this conundrum of chest-beating and back-thumping to burp up and spread the slogan of 'can't have it all- thee woman' !
Of course this is a perspective, another viewpoint. I, however, am confident to bet that this one would potentially resonate more, of course after some internal dialoguing:).
Consider this, if you as a thinking woman want to be considered as leading a life of 'choice' versus a life that screams of 'sacrifice and victimhood', what is it that Nooyi is suggesting to us?!
She chose to be a CEO, right?! (I mean even I would if it's on offer). But then why is the life thereafter a projection of victimhood at the home front? Can a male CEO embark on a similar freeway to express how wronged he is because he's had to give up on his role as a family man or a doting father? Can he even choose to express this on his blog leave aside in a much touted interview ?!
What about a man's role as a son, that many men do abdicate under duress to maintain conjugal felicity? Does he or can he interview, write or even blog about it?! Equally in this scenario he is without this option of expression and feeling just because these inhabiters of family life are expected to suck it up because that is their inheritance! Imagine the sacrilege it will generate for him to be seen victimised in any such reality!
(And these are the men we are thinking of trumping in our journey up the ladder of corporate well being?!) In a single breath we are staking a claim to the highest / worthy throne as also screaming that we are wronged by our biological clock ?! Isn't the highest throne a choice? Isn't listening to our biological clock and fulfilling our desire (yes including my partner's) for a child, then a second one, our choice too?! At no point thereafter can I or my partner pretend we are shortchanging our lives - work wise or other wise.
Here, do consider who the victim is when these two worlds clash as suggested by Ms Nooyi - the answer is 'No One' or at a stretch the child perhaps - simply since she didn't have a say in the decision.
What is also a choice is to be a double income family to reap the goodness of additional cash-flow for branded education for our kids, frequent holidays and splurges that might often be indulgent. These are choices.
I would like to confirm - and reaffirm - that I have had the privilege of Choice!
If we can, let us look back on our lives and own up that everything we have (well almost ;)) has been a choice! You would agree most of us have been fairly free to choose. Should it then not rile us that a celebrated, iconic CEO whines and tells the story around it as if life happened to her! I know it can still happen to us in small measures... but to her? Not fair Ms Nooyi to get carried away in the drama of sacrificial victimhood! Aren't we the same sisterhood who claim to be and have been in control of our lives?
And as Moms - is this the kind of 'coping mechanism ' that we need to learn from and emulate? I am sorry Ms Nooyi - as a mother I am horrified at your suggestions of what you resorted to... Is there a merit perhaps in trying to bring up reasonable kids, may be kids whose sense of entitlement do not extend beyond decent proportions?! Dear God, may the inability to attend coffee meetings never make another mother feel so guilty - in my mind, only fierce guilt (an extremely disempowering (weak?)position) can make one resort to means for such diabolical empowerment. Please girls, let's not get carried away by Ms. Nooyi's sample of smart motherhood - we all have immense wisdom within to sustain a rational and reasonable upbringing of our children.
Let us pause, ask ourselves why ever so often, ever so obsessively, often conveniently we label ourselves or identify with a type - broadly, either as an overachiever or as a victim. A successful career woman is the Alpha woman, an overachiever or at least worthy of a raised eyebrow! A woman who dialled out of a career to stay at home and bring up kids is a victim and /or a hugely selfless Devi.
Why does it have to be either this or that? Is it likely because we are in contradiction with our own idea of selves, clashing with our own definition of what : how : where we should be? Are these frequent FB forwards in admiration of views & counter views the justification we are looking for? Did we expect our lot to be unsuccessful in what we set out to do and now we need someone else to stamp success to rest our internal dissonance?!
Aren't we at peace with Where we are?
If the answer is a Yes to any of the above - let's attempt a Pause, and let it all well-up to an understanding of this dependence, confront it, (and then) let's as well laugh at it. And as we begin to shrug it off let us know one thing for sure - that we are all beings (being female is incidental at least in this debate), and as optimized beings we are all harnessing the best that is inside each one of us - just like that guy, incidentally - and this, my friends, needs no label, no commentary, no justification, no feminism, no explaining to - even in an interview:).
In this debate, I can see no one more Buddha-like than the Man, calm, unquestioning, not looking at justifying a drama around years of status-quo in his status within the family - in Nooyi's words 'last on the list' !
Salute to you, mah' Man!
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