The 2nd day in the year passed away rather unpleasantly (stomach infection taking center-stage) and I am back again on my feet. The one reason that drove me to blogging today is to put to paper the ‘true test’ and I am going to put myself to in the next 362 days in 2007.
The test will be of my ‘character’- emotions or rather my capability to balance the lack of a professional status, the corresponding monetary independence, and all the trappings that came with it, with ‘the person’ that I am.
Don’t misunderstand me as I am clearly looking forward to it. This is self- inflicted and as I said to my kids (quoting myself) ‘ … come Jan 1st, I am not taking anything for granted…’ and in my mind today, that says it all. I need to presume nothing and will need to tutor myself fast in that direction. It’s a reality that expressions & emotions will now tend to be measured far more critically and subjectively than before – whether by me or by others. And here’s where the sweet challenge of ‘objectivity’ will need to be my measuring tape.
‘What was’ belonged to ‘nivedita the leader’, a nivedita from whom there were tangible expectations of decision-making, problem solving, leading a bunch with an expectation of results. ‘What will be’ will belong to Nivedita the friend, the wife, the daughter, the mentor, a person with an opinion, who is ready to listen, share & care. The latter aspects of my ‘capabilities’ (above) remain constant, but now can only manifest on being sought, far more tentatively, far less presumptuously.
Nivedita I’ll be watching your progress!!
Having ‘put myself on the mat’, it’ll also be a ‘test’ of people who have had a hand in shaping or just allowing me to be the person I am. And my earnest ‘tryst with myself’ will be greatly affected by how these critical few manifest their presence in the next month(s). That will unequivocally either mar or retain my ‘faith in myself’ and all that I’ve believed in.
Whichever way it goes, I promise to enjoy the next 362 days, either with or without all these intangibles!
I’ve loved myself, truly loved my evolution from a daughter, a student, a team player to a team leader, a mentor, a wife – perhaps, being a friend, as a constant through these stages. I have prided myself for my love for ‘the understated’, in being genuinely interested and sincere in all my relationships, in the last 4-5 yrs. of my living. People have commented on my ‘calm’ – questioning & wondering – and the formula (on hindsight) has been simple – 'I've loved myself madly' (hint of narcissism!!) and I have assiduously worked on being a person that I myself would revel in relating to and would admire. Hence, most critical on the other side of 2007, will be to continue feeling this way about ME – the only way is to continue to ‘Love who I am'.
Countdown has begun!!
The test will be of my ‘character’- emotions or rather my capability to balance the lack of a professional status, the corresponding monetary independence, and all the trappings that came with it, with ‘the person’ that I am.
Don’t misunderstand me as I am clearly looking forward to it. This is self- inflicted and as I said to my kids (quoting myself) ‘ … come Jan 1st, I am not taking anything for granted…’ and in my mind today, that says it all. I need to presume nothing and will need to tutor myself fast in that direction. It’s a reality that expressions & emotions will now tend to be measured far more critically and subjectively than before – whether by me or by others. And here’s where the sweet challenge of ‘objectivity’ will need to be my measuring tape.
‘What was’ belonged to ‘nivedita the leader’, a nivedita from whom there were tangible expectations of decision-making, problem solving, leading a bunch with an expectation of results. ‘What will be’ will belong to Nivedita the friend, the wife, the daughter, the mentor, a person with an opinion, who is ready to listen, share & care. The latter aspects of my ‘capabilities’ (above) remain constant, but now can only manifest on being sought, far more tentatively, far less presumptuously.
Nivedita I’ll be watching your progress!!
Having ‘put myself on the mat’, it’ll also be a ‘test’ of people who have had a hand in shaping or just allowing me to be the person I am. And my earnest ‘tryst with myself’ will be greatly affected by how these critical few manifest their presence in the next month(s). That will unequivocally either mar or retain my ‘faith in myself’ and all that I’ve believed in.
Whichever way it goes, I promise to enjoy the next 362 days, either with or without all these intangibles!
I’ve loved myself, truly loved my evolution from a daughter, a student, a team player to a team leader, a mentor, a wife – perhaps, being a friend, as a constant through these stages. I have prided myself for my love for ‘the understated’, in being genuinely interested and sincere in all my relationships, in the last 4-5 yrs. of my living. People have commented on my ‘calm’ – questioning & wondering – and the formula (on hindsight) has been simple – 'I've loved myself madly' (hint of narcissism!!) and I have assiduously worked on being a person that I myself would revel in relating to and would admire. Hence, most critical on the other side of 2007, will be to continue feeling this way about ME – the only way is to continue to ‘Love who I am'.
Countdown has begun!!
1 comment:
Beautiful! That is sensational prose.
I shall endeavour not to let you down - as a husband, as a friend.
Post a Comment